Out of all the emotions we have, I believe that anger is the one that has the most negative connotations. When I think of anger, I think of upsetting my friends, blowing up, being unreasonable and rude, and just making myself look bad. And unfortunately for me, I can be a very angry person. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I intensely feel all my emotions. I cry at sappy movies, laugh hard when my friends tell me funny stories, and get very angry when faced with an injustice. Despite my best efforts growing up, I could never be laid back or get over my frustrations easily. Which, of course, led me to feel even more frustrated.
I think a large part of it is being raised as a girl, with the expectation that being angry means I am out of control of myself and not thinking rationally. Another part of it is that I was a huge target for teasing and bullying growing up, and these bullies would deliberately push my buttons to get a rise out of me. I had teachers and my parents telling me at every turn not to get angry, not to give my bullies a reaction, and the bullying would stop.
And for these reasons, I often push my anger down, as far away from view as possible. I took the advice I received to heart and refused to listen to or even acknowledge my anger. When I felt the tendrils of anger rising my belly, I would brush it off as my silliness, telling myself, "well, you're being silly for caring this much, being this worked up." Rather than listening to what my body and mind were telling me, picking up the clues it was telling me to be angry over, I covered my ears and screamed, "La-la-la, I can't hear you!"
The thing is, is that we have emotions for a reason, and anger is important. Anger is more than yelling or being unreasonable. Often, anger is extremely reasonable! I have been trying to reframe my feelings of anger as a positive force, saying to myself that my anger is a symptom of how much I care. Would I rather not be angry, or would I instead not care? I will pick being angry every time, even though it can be uncomfortable sometimes. My anger is my biggest defender– it kicks in to protect me when I have been disrespected or see the injustice in the world. Another great thing about anger is that it is an excellent motivator. Have you ever heard the phrase "If you're not angry, you're not paying attention"? It is a saying thrown around a lot during important events like protests and movements for reform, and I think it is an excellent way to approach anger. Rather than viewing your anger as a symptom of something larger wrong with you, it indicates that you know you and the world deserve better.
As with any emotion, you can't let yourself get swept away in your anger. Just try to approach your angry thoughts with love and compassion, as you would to a friend's emotions. Your anger is looking out for you; you at least owe it to listen to what it is trying to say.
