Winter is always extremely hard for me. I have strong reactions to the cold, it will seep into my body, where only the thickest sweaters can fix it. I find that sometimes it seeps deep into my head as well. I associate wintertime with being sad. (Fitting, isn’t it, that the acronym for Seasonal Affective Disorder is SAD? Man, whoever came up with that, I have to commend them for the creativity of the acronym. Always gives me a good chuckle to remember that.) It is so much easier to believe and be swept up in my anxiety when it is winter. It is easy to become miserable when the sun sets at 5 pm, and the darkness chokes everything out. At least, when it is sunny, you can run, bike, walk your dog, anything to keep you from being alone with your thoughts. But on a cold dark day, you don’t have that luxury. I mean, I could hop in my car and drive to a museum or a library, but winter driving is a source of anxiety and despair in itself. Not to mention, when it is this cold, there is no guarantee my car will even start.
I try really hard to keep myself occupied with books, music, and games, but sometimes it just is not enough. I have noticed a pattern: usually, after dinner, right after the darkness settles, I feel this wave of dread wash over me. Often nothing even triggers it. It just closes in, all quiet. Next thing I know, I am sitting up in bed, my shoulders clenched, chest so tight it hurts to breathe.
I wish I could say I have found a way to fix this, but I haven’t. Sometimes, that is just the way things are. However, I am doing my best to recognize what I like about winter. It is definitely not my favourite season, but there is something really beautiful in seeing what makes it special, the little hidden magic that only happens then. To give power to what makes it so special helps to lessen the negatives that it contributes to my life.
I love the way that Christmas lights look on a dark winter night. I love that we, as people, collectively come together to light up the night to make the darkness feel less close. I recently went to The Deep Freeze festival in Borden Park with my friend, and there were so many unique lighting displays. Lit sculptures that looked ethereal in the dark, especially against the snow. There were even ice sculptures that were lit up, something that I could not enjoy in a warm and sunny place. This outing also reminded me just how lovely a fire is on a cold night. Be it the glow of candles, or a crackling fireplace, or even a fire in a pit outside not only warms the body but the spirit. (However, take great caution when using fire, and never leave a flame unattended!)
I love to take warm baths, especially with lots of bubbles. I find when the cold seeps really deep into my bones, a bubble bath is the best thing to banish it. I finally become nice and warm, and I also smell really nice, which is a great bonus. It is also one of the rare things that just is not nearly as nice when the weather is warm!
I love my cozy gear that I have accumulated. Last year for Christmas, my brother got me an "Oodie", and it has become my uniform during cold snaps. I have a collection of thick socks and slippers. Oh, and my weighted blanket of course. It is so nice to wrap myself up in it and feel like I’m gently being squeezed.
I normally don’t like cookies, but I love speculoos cookies, and I usually get a package for Christmas. The spices are just so cozy, and are extra special on a cold winter day. They also are total magic with a warm drink. I also have recently discovered the joy of a London fog latte! Who knew that an earl grey cup of tea with vanilla and steamed milk could taste so amazing—when I tried a cup for the very first time, I knew that it would be far from my last. There is something so comforting about a warm drink on a cold day—it warms your hands, and I can feel it gently lifting my spirit with each sip.
These are just a couple of things that I try to remember every time I find the cold and dark of winter negatively affecting my mindset. Creating just a little list of them has helped me remember that things are not all bad: even if a situation might seem really bleak on the surface, it may offer its own special experiences. It is also helpful to have a list like this on hand to remember little things to do to gently bring me out of a bad spot. What I have learned living with anxiety is that it is only as powerful as I let it be. In these situations (like winter time) where my anxiety is leading me to believe everything sucks, having these reminders of why that is not true helps return the power from my anxiety back to me.
