Content warning: Mentions of suicide
November is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month. This month and every month going forward is a time to check up on the men and boys in our lives. Society commonly dismisses or disregards men’s mental health, resulting in us seeing some disturbingly sad statistics. Suicide is the second leading cause of death for men in Canada. 75% of suicides in Canada are of men. When it comes to Indigenous men the suicide rates double. A last point I’d like to make about these statistics, is men are more likely to follow through with their suicide attempts, because the are more likely to use lethal methods, act more impulsively, and aren’t likely to show any signs before attempting.
One thing is clear here, we are failing our men. Therefore, this blog will serve as an educational message to be more proactive in bettering men’s mental health. As a society, we need to reduce the stigma that surrounds men’s mental health, and validate them and make them heard in the overall mental health conversation.
Some reasons that cause poor mental health include lack of awareness of health issues men face, men aren’t being open about their mental health issues due to various reasons such as stigma, men are engaging in risky activities that harm their mental health, men are less likely to visit a doctor than women.
It’s important to educate ourselves on these situations, and what we can do about it all?
We have to be present in our men’s lives, and consistently check up on them, and make sure they are doing okay. We need to let them know that there are people who care about them and are there to help them and support them.
If we notice ourselves that his behavior is changing, make an effort to find out why? What’s going on? How can I help? Is there something we can do? What can change? Start asking all these questions, but also, be patient. Someone who is struggling with mental health isn’t always in the right mindspace to share just yet, they might need that time to build a door to the wall they built around themselves to let you in.
When they do open up to you, be an active listener. Active listening shows that he is being heard, and his concerns are valid. Key points of active listening include eye contact, appropriate body language, patience, asking questions, and letting them know you are in the zone and focused on them. Another point is to show empathy, and empathy is different from sympathy. Empathy is validating the person’s feelings and concerns, hearing them out, and then being there for them, and sharing their “burden”. Sympathy involves listening, but then there are the “but…” and “at least…”, it’s trying to invalidate their experience in some way, while empathy allows you to feel what he is going through yourself. You need to provide a safe space to know that men can feel at ease speaking to you, and that you are a confidential and understanding individual who won’t discredit what they are going through in any way. Another point is to be non-judgemental, because once anyone feels any sort of judgment they start to pull back. You might not agree with someone’s actions, but at this moment it doesn’t matter, make sure you show that appreciation for them coming to you, and again, validate whatever they are going through and let them know it’s okay to feel the way that they are.
The next step after listening to whatever is going on, is to provide them with resources and professionals who can guide him at this unstable time, and help him in a safe way. It’s not your job as a family member, friend, etc. to “fix” him. You can’t easily fix mental health issues. Mental health professionals can navigate him and support him through his mental health journey. But you as family, a friend, coworker, etc. you are there to let them know that they are not alone, and that you are there for them if they ever need it.
Lastly, I want to stress that it’s okay for men to cry. As a woman, I know how a good cry can make me feel a little better. Society is heavily stigmatized to condition men that it’s not okay to show emotions and that crying is a sign of weakness. This is wrong, and crying and letting loose requires great strength. Make it okay for men to cry, and let them let out all that they need to let out. Sometimes a good cry is what’s needed, and we as a society need to stop connoting crying as something negative. It’s okay to cry!
I’m going to provide some resources that you can share to the males in your life, and if you are a male reading this, please take a look.
The Canadian's Men Mental Health Foundation: a national, registered charity providing information, tools, and motivation for men and their families to live healthier.
HeadsUpGuys: An online, anonymous resource specifically designed for men, and their families, to prevent the continued erosion of men’s mental health and deaths by suicide.
Buddy up: a men’s suicide prevention communications campaign.
Movember: Movember looks at mental health through a male lens, focusing on prevention, early intervention, and health promotion
Also, these are the links I’ve used while writing this, feel free to take a look for additional reading:
https://us.movember.com/mens-health%20
https://uwo.ca/se/thrive/blog/2023/mens-mental-health.html
https://www.statcan.gc.ca/o1/en/plus/3811-mens-mental-health-how-are-canadian-men-doing
https://adaa.org/find-help/by-demographics/mens-mental-health#:~:text=Although%20women%20attempt%20suicide%20more,doctor%20or%20mental%20health%20professional.
https://www.redcross.ca/blog/2023/1/mental-health-and-men-how-to-support-your-loved ones#:~:text=Be%20present%3A%20let%20him%20know,a%20health%20professional%2C%20for%20example.
