Bullying. It is a horrible thing, right? I mean why would anyone be so mean and selfless to hurt us in this way? Sometimes people bully us as a way of satisfying their own insecurities. To boost their own self-esteem, they like to bring people down to achieve that.
Bullying, defined by Bullying Canada, is when someone repeatedly tries to hurt or humiliate another person on purpose. Bullying is a continuing problem among youth across the globe, and it is an issue that needs to be advocated for. Being a victim of bullying affects our mental health, and therefore, diminishes our daily lives. Our mental health is important, and we deserve to feel loved and seen.
I’m going to begin by telling us the story of Sam. Sam is a grade 5 student who is getting bullied by a classmate of hers named Jessica. The story will highlight the different types of bullying touching on verbal, physical, emotional, and cyber. I want you to analyse these types of bullying with me, and at the end of the short story, we will discuss what Sam could do to stop Jessica from bullying, and what we as fellow classmates of Sam can do to help her out.
At the end of this blog I’m going to attach some youth helplines, to reach out and get some help
Sam is excited about a new dress her mother bought her over the weekend, while on a shopping trip to the mall. The dress is her favourite colour, pink! It has glitter at the end, and a flower pattern throughout the dress. So on Monday, she wears the dress and adds matching clips to her hair. She is smiling as she approaches the courtyard where all the rest of her classmates are standing around waiting for the bell. Jessica, the mean girl, approaches Sam and starts snickering and pointing at Sam along with her friends. Sam is confused and begins to feel less confident about her new dress.
“What are you wearing?” Jessica laughs.
“It looks so stupid and childish, don’t you know you’re in grade 5?”
Sam looks down at her dress, and feels like crying. She is humiliated! Other students look over, and some of them start snickering too.
She really wants to go home, and change her dress. So when the bell rings, and they are let into the school, she goes to the main office and calls her mom. She fakes being sick to get picked up from school. When she’s home, Sam doesn’t tell her mom what happened to her. Sam tells her she is tired, and goes to her room to sleep.
In her room, she looks into the mirror. She grabs her dress and examines it up and down.
“It does look childish,” Sam sighs.
She takes off the dress, hangs it in the back of the closet away from her sight, and lies in bed.
The next day, she doesn’t feel like going, but her mother makes her as she knows she isn’t sick. Sam wears a plain pair of jeans and blue sweater. Nothing weird about jeans and a sweater, she thinks to herself.
When she reaches school, Jessica looks over her shoulder and snickers at her, but doesn’t approach her. She is too busy gossiping with her friends. Good, Sam thinks. Let her talk about other people, then come and be mean to me. Jessica has it for Sam, and she doesn’t know why. Sam doesn’t have friends and sits alone during recess and lunch. So she has nobody to talk to about Jessica. Sam is a shy girl who doesn’t know how to talk to anybody, so most people give up on being her friend. She is used to being alone, but sometimes when Jessica decides to pick on her, she wishes she had a friend to defend her. But she doesn’t. She deals with the monster that is Jessica alone.
When the bell rings and they are walking into the school, Jessica appears out of nowhere and trips Sam. Sam falls on her knees and scrapes her palms.
“Oops! I’m so sorry Sam, I didn’t see you there” Jessica says mockingly.
“Here let me help you up.”
Jessica sticks out her hand, and as Sam reluctantly reaches for it. Jessica swipes her hand away.
“Haha she thought! Who do you think you are?” Jessica laughs and walks away.
One of her friends pushes Sam out of the way as she is getting up from the floor.
As Jessica and her friends head to the classroom, Sam changes into her indoor shoes holding back tears. She doesn’t want to cry and bring more attention to herself. So she sucks it up, as she always does.
In class, Jessica keeps whispering and pointing at Sam. Sam doesn’t know what she is saying, but she knows it isn’t anything nice. Sam just pulls out her books and pretends she can’t see or hear anything.
Throughout the day, Jessica keeps making mean comments about Sam. She talks about how she looks, and walks. When the teacher called on her, and she was too shy to answer, Jessica started imitating her! Sam just wanted the day to be over, and knew faking sick wasn’t going to work two days in a row.
The last school bell of the day rang, and the students were dismissed. Sam got into her mother’s car, and ignored her mother’s questions of concern. Her mother knew something was wrong with her daughter, but Sam wouldn’t tell her anything, and she didn’t want to push her daughter into speaking if she didn’t want to.
When she got home, she saw she had emails from Jessica. She opened them and filled them with pictures of pigs. Jessica edited the photo and added Jessica’s school picture in it. She saw that the email was CC’d to different students in the class, and in that moment she burst into tears.
How could she do this to me? What have I ever done to Jessica! Sam cried in silence, not wanting her mother to hear her. She didn’t want to tell her why she was crying. Then she would have to explain who Jessica was, and what she was doing to her.
So instead, Sam washed her face, and picked up her favourite book in hopes she can be immersed into a world without any Jessicas.
As you see readers, in this short story Sam is constantly being bullied by Jessica. She doesn’t know why Jessica bullies her, but bullies tend to pick out those who they sense are weak and won’t stand up to them as easily and stop them. Sam is a shy girl, who isn’t confident enough to say what she thinks, or to reach out for help. She avoids telling her mother anything. She didn’t go to her teacher either. Instead she just lets it happen. Many of us who are bullied, feel this way, and are reluctant to reach out and tell someone. But in order to address the pressing issue of bullying we must learn to be brave as victims of bullying and bystanders.
Now let’s start with the types of bullying that are present in Sam’s story. At the start, Sam is met with verbal bullying. Verbal bullying is characterised by hurtful words and insults to our character. We all saw how happy Sam was with her new dress. But her happiness quickly turned to self critique which was caused by ridicule. Something that I always want to let people know is that words carry meaning and that they can hurt. So we need to all be careful about what we say because we never know where an individual’s soft spot is.
Now emotional bullying is present through different ways. Other types of bullying can cause emotional bullying. But what emotional bullying essentially is that it’s any action whether outwards or inwards that can hurt our inner feelings. It revolves around our mental wellbeing. So emotional bullying is present with Sam through the clear disregard for her feelings whether through Jessica and her friends mocking her, the ignorance she faces by other students when she is being tormented by Jessica, or the fact that nobody wants to be her friend. We don’t have to say anything to hurt someone. Sometimes the words we don’t say or the actions we don’t do, can hurt just as well. Sam might’ve not been strong enough to stand up for herself, and in cases like this, we shouldn’t be silent bystanders. It’s our job to be the voice of those who aren’t able to use it.
Now physical bullying is obvious when it happens. It requires any form of physical abuse taken on by a victim. When Jessica and her friends pushed Sam to the floor and out of the way, that was an example of physical bullying.
Lastly, there is cyber bullying. Cyber bullying is enacted through the digital world. When we target others and continuously harass others through online communication. Jessica humiliated Sam through an email that was sent to others as well. Cyber bullying can take different forms. It can be the spread of rumours online. It can be private tormentation to the victim itself. Or it can be humiliation that others witness as well, as in the shared email. But it can be in the form of a post on a social media platform as well.
Now what can we do about all of this? As bystanders or the victim, the most important thing we can do is take action. Sometimes the victim may not be strong enough or capable to defend themselves. So as bystanders in a bullying situation, we must do what we can to help. The other students in the courtyard can speak up, and tell Jessica to stop. You can inform an adult such as a teacher, supervisor, or principal. You might have heard of the phrase “snitches get stitches”, which makes a lot of people reluctant to help, but you must not be afraid to do what is right. What we can also do is to approach the victim and ask what they want to see from you. Ask them if they are ok, and validate their feelings. Ask them and listen to what they are going through. See what you can do to the victim. It might require patience, and then that would be a skill we must develop. Sometimes what might help a victim is to have someone that can make sure they feel like a loved human. But we don’t know what might be of help to someone, so step one would be to be there and find out. When we are part of cyber bullying, our job is to report it and make sure it stops. If you see a harmful post, screenshot it, and send it to the proper person who is able to take action upon it and stop it from happening. Those who are part of the email to Sam could forward it to a trustworthy person who can take action and penalise Jessica and help Sam.
But as a victim of bullying we need to build the strength to defend ourselves, because if people don’t want to help, we need to help ourselves. We don’t need to drown in our misery. We can swim and fly. We need to believe in ourselves, and we need to believe we can stop. Yes I agree, that in the moment, we feel alone and we feel worthless. But I’m here to tell you that you are strong, and you are an amazing person. It doesn’t matter what people say, or do. Or don't. Sometimes people can be mean, and selfish. People bully for varying reasons. They can bully because they have inner insecurities, and need their own affirmations by invalidating other people. Whatever might be the reason someone is so cruel, our job is to not let it happen. You need to be a better person. You need to make sure you won’t tolerate disrespect and let people walk over you.
If you are a victim of bullying and want to get help, but you feel like there is nobody that you can reach to and ask for it, then here are some helplines that are managed by people who care.
Bullying Canada has a helpline for youth across Canada. You can call, text, or email them. Here is there link: https://www.bullyingcanada.ca/get-help
The Kids Help Phone is another helpline for youth. You can reach out and talk about anything you want. Whether you are dealing with bullying, or any other reason, they are there to help.
Here is their link: https://kidshelpphone.ca/urgent-help
Both websites have resources to strengthen and nourish your well-being. Feel free to explore those sites, and remember you are a loved human being and you matter.
I hope this blog has proved useful. Remember to be a good human being, and to stand up to what is right.
